Robert Arthur Carlson 2/1/1938-3/19/2020
Son of Maja and Sven Carlson, who migrated to the US from Sweden, Robert was born in Detroit MI, and graduated from Cooley High School. He attended Augustana College in Rock Island IL, and was ordained as a Lutheran minister. After serving churches in Mount Vernon and Tacoma WA, Pastor Bob got an MSW from the University of Washington and began a long and successful career as a psychotherapist. When the men’s movement began, he was an influential voice in the Seattle area, and co-led a Men’s Wisdom Council for many years. Robert loved his work as a psychotherapist and he cared deeply for his patients. He practiced in several offices in Bellevue and his most beloved office was in a little house which he called Centering Point, also the name of his practice.
Robert and Patricia were married in 1959 and had two children, Dean Sven and Dawn Michelle. He had a second wife, Marjorie, and lived in Bellevue, WA. Later his soul mate, Phyllis Ray, danced into his life. They married and he became a stepfather to her adult children, Dan and Dave. Robert and Phyllis celebrated 30 years of marriage, during which time they lived in a duplex on Lake Washington, an Artist Loft in Georgetown, a house in Kirkland, a condo in Langley, and eventually moved to Mexico.
Robert was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia in 2015. He passed away in Chapala, Mexico, at La Casa Nostra, a group home for the elderly, where he received excellent and loving care. In 2018 Phyllis and Robert moved to Chapala to get the affordable care he needed. He passed away peacefully and in a state of acceptance and gratefulness.
He was proud of his Swedish heritage and was an active member of Seattle’s Swedish Club. At Christmas, we had to grit our teeth and dance around the dinner table, singing a Scandinavian holiday song with animal sounds and actions. The Swedish meatballs, red cabbage, pickled herring, mashed swedes and glogg made up for the embarrassing rituals.
If you were to tell Robert to go fly a kite, he happily would! In addition to kite flying, he was an avid dancer (mastering every genre from waltz to swing to Cajun), the family’s Santa Claus, and celebrator of all birthdays and accomplishments of his children and grandchildren. He was a fun and creative event planner, creating birthday outings centered around his grandchildren’s interests…. always stretching them just a bit….and expecting them to at least taste something they had never tasted before. He drove everyone crazy with his expectations of personal check-ins at all family events by putting everyone on the spot.
He loved his family deeply and asked about each person until the very end. He loved CBS Sunday Morning and watched it every week. He was always up for adventure and loved to try new things. He loved the Sounders, had all the gear, and would march to the match with tears in his eyes. He had a special thing for neckties and had a huge collection. He tried to wear a different combination of clothes every day. He was a dandy. Robert loved Sea Nest, the cabin they owned on Long Beach Peninsula, and visited every month for 12 years, where he perfected his sport kite moves.
Robert loved jazz, especially the saxophone, and was a fan of The Moody Blues, Harry Chapin and the Beatles. Robert enjoyed what he called “soul wanderings.” Inspired by his middle name, Arthur, he made a personal quest to Cornwall, England to commune with the essence of King Arthur and his Camelot. He also traveled to Canada, the Washington mountains and coast, and Falkoping, Sweden where his parents originated.
He was a devotee of his beloved Baba, Muktananda, the founder of Siddha Yoga, and felt drawn to a spiritual path. He valued conversation and shared opinions. In the 1990s, he founded the Third Sunday Salon, inviting all comers to join in his living room, put questions into a hat, and discuss them in an environment of acceptance and safety. Two of his favorite quotes accompanied each monthly invitation: “A good question is a great teacher” and “Democracy requires a tolerance for differences.” His Facebook page shared another favorite quote: “The more we try to change, the more we stay the same. The more we accept what is, the more we are open to change.” Conversations with Robert were always stimulating.
Robert is survived by his wife, Phyllis, his first wife Patricia, his second wife, Marjorie, children Dean (Paul Barry) and Dawn (Ken Rathbun), granddaughter Sarah Rathbun, God-son Terry Muir (DeAnna), wife Phyllis Ray, stepsons Dan (Sheri) and Dave (Erin), and step-grandchildren Jesse and Shelby.
He was one hell of a guy, never a dull moment, not a boring bone in his body.
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About |
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| Name | Robert Carlson |
| Date of Birth | February 1st, 1938 |
| Date of Death | March 19th, 2020 |
| Home Town | Detroit, MI, US |
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Family |
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| Significant Other | Phyllis Ray |
| Parents | Maja Olson Ostrom, Sven Johan Carlson |
| Children | Dan Ray, Dave Ray, Dawn Michelle Carlson, Dean Sven Carlson |
| Grand-Parents | Alfred Clas Karlsson, Erik Olson, Katherine Ostrom, Matilda Tosetina |
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published a tribute .
Phyllis,
Belatedly found this lovely tribute to Bob- what a great man- so full of care, zest for life, thoughtfulness and so open minded. I thoroughly enjoyed the time I spent with you both in Tokyo. He touched many souls.
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published a tribute .
Phyllis,
Just recently I was thinking of you--and somehow found this somewhat belatedly. But the universe has a timing of it's own. Although this is to be a tribute to Robert--I was just so impressed with the way you found a path way to see that he as the unique individual that he was--could be cared for in a way that kept you the individual that he proposed to. What an excellent choice he made in picking such a strong creative woman. I hope that you are staying well amid COVID and our paths cross again sometime in the future.
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published a tribute .
I met Robert totally by chance in early 1987. Over the years we talked about most every subject imaginable. Sometimes we had visits at the CenteringPoint office, other times it was a walk along with his dog Hanuman (sp)? or working on some repair needed at the Bellevue house. We kept meeting over the years and the last time we met was at a Starbucks in Kirkland. It was a sunny day and Robert had on a white shirt and a white fedora type hat. I thought- "I hope I look that cool when I am his age!" One thing we did do a lot of was laugh! I so enjoyed his huge happy expression and hearty laugh that was so contagious. Oh that laugh. I will forever miss that.
Just knowing Robert was there whether for some occasional counseling to keep me on a healthier path, or just friends catching up, was comforting.
I never got to meet Phyllis, but he would always speak of how much fun they had together and what a beautiful person she is. He proudly had some of her paintings on the wall at the Hidden Valley office. Sometimes he would tell me the story behind a particular painting. Such beautiful work!
Robert was one of the most influential people I've ever met. I treasure that friendship and hold the memories close to heart.
I am sure he is in flying his kite in heaven and laughing his ass off.
Peace and love for Robert and family. - Jim Edwards
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published a tribute .
Thank you for the amusing and informative obituary of Robert, Phyllis. I didn’t know him well, but feel like I know him better after reading it. I know your life will be very different now. It will be fun to see where it goes….
I hope you are staying well, and those you love, too. It is such a strange and unsettling time. I am up and down. I try to take walks every day, especially beach walks. That seems to help.
Lots of love to you. Please stay in touch.
Virtual hugs and kisses, Linda
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Thanks Linda. Remember the days when Dan and Robert were bus buddies going to Time Together? We share so much.
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Phyllis, what a beautiful writing that does such great honor to you, Robert and the two of you!
I met Robert for the first time at the Salon you all held at Sunny Arms - one of the coolest homes I have been in! I was shy and both of you made me feel so welcomed. And quickly saw that part of Robert that loved a good meaty conversation. Ii remember hearing about your first date and dancing when our offices were across the hall in Fremont. And just last year we got to visit you and Robert in Mexico. Watching you create your own life in Chapala and being a very devoted wife. I was, am very impressed by how you navigated that. Blessings and love to you as you start a new leg in your extraordinary journey. Janice
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Dear brother Robert
We met in the mid-90's and my world took a giant step forward in consciousness, connection, and friendships. Your twinkling spirit and elfish wisdom woke me more than once. This pic is of you and Phyllis, on the beach in front of Sea Nest, on the Long Beach peninsula. The day I met you, I met David Schnarch and Phyllis as well. You immediately confronted me for busting your anonymity as you'd come to Breckenridge Colorado purposefully for privacy and learning. You were real and impactful the moment we met, and you never quit. I miss you.
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published a tribute .
Robert was a jolly, gentle force that helped shape who I am. We would take walks and talk about life. "I'm not your therapist so I can cut right to the point! (laughter)." He helped a LOT of people move toward healthier, happier, more meaningful lives. Dean Sven and Kate Forster wrote a tribute that captures his essence, effect and spirit perfectly.
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Thanks Dave, I appreciate your thoughts and your memories. I read them over and over.
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Dear Phyllis, so sorry for your loss, my hope is that you're around family and friends at this time. Unfortunately I've never met Robert, but the love you had for him was undeniable. Blessing to you and your family Take care.
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Robert was a wonderful, intelligent soul. He had a
Joy of life, loved people and sharing the moment.
We will miss Robert. Love, Lynn and Frank Lindsay
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I met Robert through the Men's Wisdom Council sometime in the 80s. He was a friend and guide for me, and I appreciated his humor, intelligence, and kindness. I'm sure he benefitted hundreds of people throughout his life and practice. I had the opportunity to visit him one last time in his nursing home stay with our mutual friend, Bill Wulsin on Whidbey Island. He still had a good sense of humor, kindness, and a twinkle in his eye. I was moved when I heard of his passing recently, and I hope he's enjoying his new times on the other side. He will be missed by all who knew him. Blessings on Robert, and his surviving wife of many years, Phyllis Ray.
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Robert, you were honestly always interested in what was going on in my life, and offered suggestions from time to time with humor. When you talked to someone, you really wanted to know them. I will always be grateful and remember you for that. I also really enjoyed that time with you, when you and Mom rented a RV and visited me in Yellowstone Park. We had fun wandering around Wyoming. Im going to miss you Robert.
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published a tribute .
Blessings on you Robert as you travel to wherever the heck you go next... :D
Thank you so much for your gifts of living a full life, manifested for me when I first encountered you at the Mens Wisdom Council in Seattle back many years ago.
After that I didn't see you much, yet would hear of your adventures and I think a friend of mine went to you for some counseling.
I offer my best wishes, especially good health, to your family at this challenging time for all of us on our beautiful and beleaguered planet, that I know Robert loved deeply.
Peace, love and well-being to all!
Stephen
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published a tribute .
Dear Robert, I wish you all the best on this next stage of your journey. I loved wondering about life and all sorts of other things with you. I truly appreciate how you supported us when Finnbar was so depressed. You shared your heart and your knowledge. I loved how you and he talked that night in Mexico while we ate wonderful spicy food together. Love to you and Phyllis and all the rest of your family as you move on.
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published a tribute .
We first met Robert when Phyllis brought him to our house on Christmas evening. He arrived in the full spirit of the day, wearing bells around his waist and a Santa hat on his head. He never failed to entertain in the spirit of any event or holiday.
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I remember that night so clearly. We were in the cold, crisp night waiting for you to open the door. He was bouncing and jingling. I wasn't sure if it was really cute or kind of weird. I was excited for you to meet each other though.
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Robert Carlson. Dancing mind, dancing feet. A twinkle in the eye, a jingle in the bells. Youthful attitude, sense of gratitude. Walker, talker, thinker, friend. Goodbye, good buddy.
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I met Robert in Mexico, through the generosity of Phyllis, as I was navigating care for my former husband. Phyllis is a creative force, a loving wife, and was willing to change the trajectory of her life to make Robert's journey as safe and comforting as possible. I wasn't aware of the arc of Robert's life; what an amazing voice of wisdom. And what a wonderful match for Phyllis. It is always a remarkable act of faith to love what is mortal. My heart goes out to you. It is not how long a man lives, but how deep the footprints in the heart. My deepest sympathy.
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